The Gospel of Thomas

Fully Interpreted

My Journey to Enlightenment

My life did not begin in this world, I have always known that and because of this, there have been times when I felt that I had an unfair advantage in life. My earliest memories have always remained vivid and I know for sure that my life has always been protected, though not from suffering or from the cold hearts of natural man. Looking back I have experienced a great deal of the things that hurt us most in life, and this has led to a profound understanding of the suffering of others. I have also experienced love and the compassion of others, and so I look back with gratitude for all of my experiences; I learnt well.

I would like to take you back now, to my earliest memory of this, my life’s journey.

I stood upon the precipice that separates the spiritual realm from the material world. It was a place so high above the world, one that can only be traversed by a soul. I turned to my left and there stood a being dressed in a long blue, loose fitting robe. The being's long hair had the appearance of a soft yellow gold that flowed below the shoulders. The face portrayed that of a long known friend and radiated peace and love beyond description and although I could discern no gender, I felt the appearance of both.


The precipice where we stood was in darkness, and was like a ledge protruding out between the two realms. In this place, I was unable to look back with either eyes or mind. It was a place where I would choose the next path on my soul's journey.


As I looked down upon the earth, I was filled with sorrow as the cries of many beat against my soul. I had found my way out of that prison and to return once more, would be for the sake of Love. It was for all of the world's imprisoned souls who are my family.  As I looked into the world at the unfolding lives of many precious souls, my eyes came to rest on one whose heart was good, even though her suffering had been much, to her I would entrust my soul.


The Angel spoke in a gentle voice 'have you chosen' and I said 'I have', and I found myself leaving the realm of Love and falling alone to earth, into forgetfulness. It was there that I would strive once more, to find the Truth I had forgotten, a Truth that would be found through the Love I carried within.


This is a poem that I wrote to express my experience.


The Return


Drifting as if from some ancient time,

my conscious became aware


There was no light or dark or sound,

no sense of movement or brush of air


If there was a past the gate was sealed

and no future was in sight


It was then I crossed the barrier

to the place of dark and light


An endless stretch of sparkling jewels,

were strewn across my way


And each were made of countless stars

where souls would come to play


I drifted on through this wondrous place

as if guided by an unseen hand


Have I journeyed to this cosmic shore

to find one grain of sand?


At last I saw my journeys end

I knew this place was right


The bluest jewel and brightest pearl

bathed in brilliant light


Another barrier lay ahead

for which I had the key


Where soul and body are joined as one

and a mother waits for me

I’ll lay and wait in that warm place

until my time of birth


Then with this gift I bring with me

spread love upon the earth



For a moment nothing existed, and then I awoke in the dressing room of another reality, waiting to make my entrance on to the stage of life. I had no concept of what awaited me, and all I could see was an orange glow through the curtain and all I could hear were the sounds of a play in progress and I understood nothing. This time in the womb, was one of peace, it was the calm before the storm.

I recall those days before birth so vividly, almost as if it were yesterday. I remember knowing that I was to be born, that I would be leaving that place, but of what waited outside, I knew not. How frightening it was to leave that place. The first thing I experienced was fear, but I soon found myself being comforted in the warm and protecting arms of the one I had chosen. It was then for the first time, that I felt the powerful and beautiful bond of love flowing through every part of my being. I was here and for the moment, I was safe. I remember how strange the world seemed in those first weeks. I would look around and although I could see clearly, I couldn’t understand what I was seeing, voices were the same, it was all a foreign language to me.


We all come into the world as innocent children, bathed in forgetfulness. We begin our journey with only the love we have brought to defend us from the indoctrination of those already here. So there I was, born in 1948, content in my charity given clothes, a happy and cheeky free spirited child, not knowing the things of the world, a soul whose mind would become another battleground for light and darkness.


All through my life I’ve had a strange experience. Even as a child I had a reoccurring dream of a sea that was so calm and still that it looked like glass. It gave the feeling of perfect peace and tranquility which I felt through my whole body. The problem was that it would then turn all spiky, causing a terrible feeling and then an old galleon ship would go sailing by. In those years, I seemed to have developed a natural ability to o deeply into thought, where my focus was complete, clear and undisturbed. For the duration of my meditation, neither the world nor my body seemed to exist. All of my time spent in meditation was given to questioning and even as a child, those questions were mainly concerned with who I was, where I was and why I was here.


I left school at the age of 15 and had no further formal education. By the age of 17 I had already considered and dismissed many ideas. I’ve always been extremely self aware that my consciousness was of a different nature to my physical body, and I guess this is what drove me with such a passion to find answers, but it was not that alone. You see, I have had many psychic experiences, some of which have shaken my reasoning and logic to the core. I have always tried to keep an open mind, preferring to look for logical answers, but of all the books that I read, nothing seemed to satisfy my questioning, in fact a lot of them seemed to come from the realms of fantasy. To search for the truth can be very frustrating. Out of all the books that ever I read, only one phrase stuck in my mind sometimes you have to give in to win’. I didn’t realise the profound significance of this, even in the years that followed.


I was christened in church as a child, and I later went to Sunday school for religious teaching and to church on the odd occasion later in life. I searched there for the truth also, but I always saw Jesus as someone greater than the father God they told me about, and I saw the church’s teachings were in conflict with the teachings of Jesus and love.

So I put Christianity aside and continued on my spiritual quest. It was a quest that seemed impossible and my enthusiasm for it began to fade. I was not prepared to live by blind faith or fantasy. Everything was coming to a breaking point.


I was now in my 50s and my 30 year marriage was coming to an end. I looked back over my life and it was strewn with one suffering after another. I had always been loving, caring, compassionate and forgiving, that is except for the few times I rebelled, yes I made ‘mistakes’, but I always suffered deep inside for them. I thought about the world and the cruelty and injustice of it all. It was then that I realised that something had been planted deep in my psyche as a child, a God who created everything, an angry vengeful, jealous and vain God whose purpose for creation was for us to worship and obey him and if you didn’t meet the standards required, the suffering felt on earth was nothing compared to what was waiting.

The belief in this God had been hiding deep inside me and was now surfacing. So now we had a culprit, one who stood against everything, against everything that I believed was good and right, against love itself and in my mind, I ranted and raved at him.

All I wanted was to stand before this God and have my say, come eternal hell and damnation, it didn’t matter. I would stand against any God who stood against love.


A couple of years later, when I was free and living on my own, I decided to make the best of myself that I could. I actually lost 2 stone (12.7k) in just two weeks. I felt great! Then as fate would have it, I caught the most horrendous chest infection. My breathing was barely discernable and I had a heart attack. I was being worked on at the hospital when my heart just gave in and stopped. I woke up with burn marks on my chest. I was covered in bruises and on a machine administering antibiotics. Seems God didn’t want to see me then either. It was about a year later than my life would change forever.


My Pre-enlightenment State


There came a point in my life, when through forgiveness, I had found a measure of peace and in a quiet moment, my mind once again fell on my quest for answers. I had suffered so much, but then so had others, and it was usually at the hands of the unloving, who always seem to be greatly rewarded for their actions. It was time to look at myself and my life with complete honesty. I reasoned that it would not profit me if I didn’t face myself and my beliefs with unbiased logic and reasoning.

My first question was ‘is there life after death?’ My pre-birth memories were anchored so far in the past that for the first time, I began to doubt them and I had no memory of knowledge relating to life after this one. So I faced death and I was left with the only two possibilities; either death was an end to awareness, in which case I wouldn’t even know that I had died. I just would not exist anymore, or life continues. I wasn’t sure either way, but an end to awareness sounded the best option, but what then of my loving nature? Was it all for nothing? Was it no more than a mental condition that had robbed me of enjoying this one finite life?

I reasoned that it didn’t matter. What mattered was that I had made the lives of others better. I had contributed to a better world. I knew that it was the way to be. It was good and right. My life had not been wasted and I and countless others would not have suffered so much if there had been more love in the world.

I decided to remain true to my loving nature and carry on living my life the way that I had always done, regardless of what came.

Next I looked at all of the knowledge that I had gained throughout my life, and I realized that I knew nothing of worth, nothing except that love is the way. Possessions are worthless, people are priceless and the greatest delusion is that we need more than love.

So there I was, emptied of desire, I did not even need my love fulfilled, to give was enough for that is where my pleasure lay.

In this knowledge I found a peace that I had never known in this life. I was free of emotional baggage. I had done my best in this life, and given the world that I was born into, I reasoned that I had done well, I had not been overcome and my love remained undefeated against all the odds. For this, I gave myself credit, and I stepped forward, happy with who I was; I had stepped out of the game of life.

We come with the knowledge of what is right and wrong (good and evil), but knowledge alone is worthless unless acted upon, and you cannot act upon the knowledge of what is good and right with sincerity, unless you first acknowledge its truth.

For three weeks, I was happier than I ever was. I was free, no more searching and no more questions. My cup was empty and filled to the brim with love, but it wasn’t to last.


My Enlightenment Experience

My three weeks of pleasurable existence had just come to the end. Enlightenment was the last thing I would have thought about, and was no more than a word that I had encountered, somewhere in the pages of the books I had read in the distant past. My thoughts were not even on anything spiritual. It was then that the completely unexpected happened.

I found myself disembodied in a place full of light and I was not afraid. The first thing that I realised was that I alone occupied the space that I was in, as an aware entity. I felt my existence as an individual entity and I knew that I was immortal and indestructible.

Images appeared in front of me at a short distance, they were images of people in the world, lost in forgetfulness, striving for material things and causing all manner of hurt to each other in their pursuit.  The madness of the world was unfolding before me. I felt like shouting out to them, to wake them from their blindness, but no words came. I didn’t feel their suffering at that time as much as I normally would, but I felt their longing for Truth.

It was then that I felt a presence and I knew that it was God. Still I felt no fear; it all seemed so natural. I have no words to do justice for what happened next. I felt what I can only describe as pure love wash through every part of my being, and it was as if my eyes were fully opened, and I felt my consciousness expand. I realized that there are things that the normal consciousness is incapable of perceiving or understanding.

I looked at the images of the world once more, and I decided that I would do what I could to help, for what I then realized, was all of my family. I was then back in the world once more, changed forever. Although Christianity lay some distance in my past, the first things that sprang into my mind were ‘what have they done? He died for nothing’ and I will not hide the fact that it was of the church and Jesus that I was thinking.

Those who saw me after my experience would stare at me unable to understand what they were seeing. All they could say is that I was glowing somehow, but they had no words to describe it. I felt it too. It was perfect peace, confidence and love.

I didn’t find God....God found me, when I found myself and gave myself to love unconditionally. There is no angry, vengeful, jealous God, only a God of love, understanding and compassion. When you realize that, what will you do?

I didn’t ask for enlightenment, I didn’t ask for anything. I put myself last, and love for others first, but we already knew that it was the way, even though some have tried to take us another way.

Does God desire worship? Yes, the greatest worship that there is, it is called LOVE, given of the free will, with sincerity and without fear; that is the reason for creation.

I am and always will be, with the Holy Spirit, it is the voice of God, the voice of Love and Truth. What I have achieved awaits you also. Choose and make it so. Love is God’s Law, let it be yours. We are one in God, each as much an individual as God, and we are all one family.

Expanded Consciousness

Enlightenment results in a massive expansion of consciousness (awareness) and through that expansion, comes the ability to receive incredible amounts of knowledge in a moment of time, as one concept that is fully understood. The difficult part is then passing on that knowledge to others in a way that they can understand. Being a person of limited and basic education, means that my communication and grammar skills have caused me some difficulty in respect of passing on what I have learnt. It has been a struggle but it’s getting easier.

When consciousness is expanded through enlightenment, it is as if everything is realized in one concept, it is a knowing, like a full and sudden awakening.

Imagine that somewhere in your memories, there is a large store of knowledge sealed like a great library, knowledge that you once knew but had forgotten about. Now imagine that door being flung open, and you suddenly realise and remember all that you had known. With that knowledge you then look at your life journey, and in your embarrassment you say ‘I didn’t know, I didn’t realise’. Then you look at others in the world who are still in forgetfulness, and you look with righteous judgement and with compassion.

You know in your heart that some will accept what you reveal, and find comfort. You also know that many will reject what you say and even hate you for your teachings, because in their forgetfulness, they prefer to live without guilt and compassion, preferring the pleasures of the world and self gratification, even at the expense of the suffering to others, whose pain and hardship they choose to ignore, unless it affects their reputation in the community and threatens to reveal their true nature and beliefs.

Who are the deluded, but those who think that they need more than Love?

There is an awakening occurring in the world today, on a scale never before seen. It is the birth of the expanding consciousness, and it is found in those who acknowledge what is good and right, it is found in those with Love and a desire for Truth, those with empathy.

It is to these that I first offer my service, for they are capable of accepting and understanding divine knowledge. They are ready for their Spiritual Evolution, they are almost ready, to stand in the Light and know God.

Post Enlightenment

Enlightenment is not the end of a life journey in fact it is something that can only happen while your life journey is in progress. If it were not so, then your life journey and your physical body would expire on receiving enlightenment. How then could there be any teachers, where would be the proof of what you strive for?

God cannot intervene personally, because it would defeat the purpose of creation and of learning through free willed choices. It is therefore left to enlightened souls to act as a witness to what is good and right, and through their free will, to act as a messenger for the Spirit, which is God’s Word.

In post enlightenment you carry a great deal of knowledge and power, and also a great deal of responsibility. After enlightenment you are still in the world, still subjected to temptation. It must be understood that all disembodied enlightened souls are Angels. An enlightened soul, that chooses the temptations of the world, knowing that it is immortal and indestructible, is then known as a fallen angel; one who has fallen from grace. When their life journey ends, they are not then able to enter the Garden. They keep their darkness and are either reincarnated, or sealed in their mind (domain) separated from all interaction with other souls until they repent. The first fallen angel is unrepentant, but has been released for these, the last days.

So be careful in post enlightenment in case you too are tempted to fall. Post enlightenment is spent in the company of the Spirit, but only according to your desire and will, and in each moment of the Spirit’s presence is felt the fulfilment of Love.


The Spirit Teaches

After enlightenment the Spirit begins to teach, at first by proposing questions, for which you have to find the answers. Some of the questions seemed very difficult at first and there were a few that took a few days to find the solution, but once found they seemed so obvious. It was not so much a test of knowledge, but rather a test of reasoning and understanding based on the newly acquired knowledge. I suppose the questioning was to get me used to the newly acquired expanded consciousness.

Being a person of little education I also had to learn how to teach others and this in itself has been a gradual process.

There were times when I pushed myself so hard that I carried on writing in the absence of the Spirit, but in rereading what I had written, it became obvious that what was written in the absence of the Spirit was less powerful and incomplete.

There were times when I wrote several pages, and on completion I didn’t know what I had written. On having the pages read back to me, I found some of the things revealed amazing, and I would say ‘did I write that?’

It should be noted that the Spirit does not possess a person, but rather comes and leaves at the will of the individual.

How do I know it’s the Holy Spirit and that I am not being deceived?

I know because I know what is good and right.

I know because I know love and truth.

I know because I have known God and I know God’s voice.

I know because I know that Jesus was the most loving soul to walk the earth, and that he truly is a Son of God.

Beyond Imagination

There are many things that I know, that I do not have the authority to reveal, things that are at present beyond your imagination, beyond your ability to perceive and understand. I no longer see reality with limited senses and I know that even the most intellectual of mankind are like children who have barely scratched the surface of reality.

Science has done so much good for mankind, but it has also been used for the most evil of purposes and there have been discoveries that are guarded by the elite that, if used, would create hell on earth. It is mankind’s misuse of science that has brought the last days into fruition. All that you have seen, used by the elite in their pursuit of power, are no more than toys compared to what they have in reserve. Soon the world will be truly astonished by the real signs and wonders. But you should not worry, because there are things even for them that are beyond imagination, things that will neutralise all of their power.

There are those who even now, are praying for the apocalypse, thinking that they will be saved and rewarded, but they have not known God and they are not in the book of life. They talk peace and crave war.

You, who have known Love and have given it freely without reward, have known God, and it is you who will experience the true rapture, the fulfilment of Love through God in enlightenment. It is an experience that at present is truly beyond your imagination.

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